I Am Sick Of Being In The Middle

Dear Dr. Stacey,
Q. My best “guy” friend is dating this girl that does not like me. She always tells him to not be friends with me anymore or she will break up with him. We have dated before, but now we are just friends. Every time we talk now our conversations are always about her. I don’t want to lose his friendship, but I am sick of being in the middle. Should I end our friendship?

A. Dear Other Woman,
No wonder you feel really stuck here, and three is always a crowd. You really need to decide what is best for you. Relationships may come and go and my guess is if this guy really is your best friend, he will make the right decision in the long run, which is to keep your friendship. It is no fun being controlled in a relationship, and with her, he may find that out the hard way. You sound like you are miserable. It would be a shame to have to worry about your friend’s relationship all the time and not be able to enjoy your friendship with him.

I would also suggest that you check out your feelings for your friend again. If you care about him like I think you do, maybe this girl is not just worried for nothing. I say give your relationship with this guy some distance. When you are ready, set some ground rules about what is okay and not okay to talk about when you are together. Maybe cutting down on gabbing about her will help you feel better about your relationship with him.

Good luck!

Stacey Soeldner, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Riverhill Psychological Associates

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